I didn't know if I was going to publish this but here goes...
To say last week has been hard is an understatement. I have been in a stituation that I have never been in before. I feel like I have been hung out to dry, like I have been crushed down and what's worse, friends of mine have been bullied and harassed just for standing up for me. I't s a bit tricky to write about because social media is what got me in this situation in the first place. Man, social media, what a fucking minefield. So awesome and such a waste of time simutaneously. What started as a mistake, then a somewhat naiive and flippant reaction on my part, has been blown so far out of proportion that I don't know where to start. I don't want to get myself into trouble further but I also do not believe in being bullied. And I also believe that I have not done anything wrong.
I'm not going to name names, there isn't much point. I just want to talk about how this episode made me feel. It made me feel like fucking nothing. Like a glitch on the horizon as a much MUCH larger company set about to crush me like a bug. It made me question everything. How I run my practice, how I operate, what i value and how I project myself. How I project myself is honest. Amanda Dziedzic glass is exactly the same Amanda Dziedzic you will meet on the street. You know when I started to get a little more action I thought I had to change my voice. especially how I represented myself on this blog. I thought I had to be more "professional". That potential clients might read this. Kind of like I should tone it down. No more swearing, fewer gags, stick to the facts.... SNORE! I was like, fuck that, that is so boring, if I don't even want to read it, why the fuck is anyone else going to want to give me the time of day? So funny. What a muppet.
So i stuck to my voice. I stuck with what I knew and didn't try to be anyone else. It's only now in doing this that I see the risk in doing this. There's no buffer, what you see is what you get, but that also leaves me extremely vulnerable. There's nowhere to hide, I'm in the buff so to speak. So if you make a mistake and someone comes for you. Thats it. It's just you and now its personal and it hurts. So after this episode I've been left wondering if I made a mistake? Should I have left myself so in the open? But that's who I am, it's what i cherish in my practice. Be it for better or worse it is who I am. My glass is who I am. My voice as a maker is one that is honest and true. And now it feels as though I am doubting myself, and I hate that.
What really sucks about this situation is how dear friends of mine are being bullied and harassed for standing up for me. It's really awful. I thought the situation was resolved but it is just being dragged out. To me it speaks volumes of the company.